I am happy being single. Read that sentence again. There is often a stereotype and assumption that people, especially women, who are single are automatically unhappy. So as we approach Valentines Day, here’s your friendly reminder that not all single people are sad.
Singlehood is nice. For me, it’s been a literal privilege to have had this time alone. I have found my authentic self. Some people can do that while having a partner, but I have needed, and enjoyed, my time being just mine. It doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to finding a special someone again, (I do) but I am quite happy being solo too, and have been for quite some time. I’m proud to be alone.
Paired-up people have certain things easier in our society. Therefore things are harder when you’re single. And people put more pressure on women for being single than they do on men. But doing it all on your own, whether you’re a guy or a gal, is badass. You overcome additional obstacles than paired-up people do, and you’re stronger for it. I would argue, it helps you develop you’re stronger sense of self.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a pair-that’s a beautiful thing too. And of course paired-ups have problems too. I’m just saying it’s good to acknowledge that being single is awesome.
Some people are so SCARED to be alone. That’s partly why people have a negative stigma or stereotype of singlehood-because they assume they would be so sad and unhappy if THEY were in a single persons shoes. (Those of you reading this not believing that someone can be happy while single most likely fall into that category.) I understand. But also, don’t freak out. Being single means you don’t have to constantly acquiesce to someone else’s needs. You can take care of yourself! Singlehood connects you to who you are, as you are, by yourself. There is so much power and beauty in that.
I say-Enjoy being single. You might never have the chance again and it is a privilege to be able to find yourself, by yourself.
I’m rewatching the docuseries, WW2 in Color on Netflix, and it’s amazing to see, time and time again in history, the tragedy of patriarchy unfolding to such a degree. In my studies with my degree in history and work as a history teacher in the past, (and of course my avid attention to documentaries) I see it over and over. Think about it: it’s always men leaders leading these pissing contests and unchecked anger to push other men (and sometimes women too) to fight to the agonizing and devastating death. It’s the hidden truth right under our nose. And the additional not so secret truth is that men lose out on this battle too: duh. Patriarchy is harmful to men too.
And PLEASE do not misunderstand me. This is not to say that “men are the enemy” quite the opposite. it is to state that men (and women) can do better and deserve better.
I find it important to state the obvious fact, because it is often overlooked, that it is one gendered pattern of people doing these acts. Why? And how can we fix it? I think we are doomed to repeat mistakes if we don’t point out the obvious that here is this general pattern: and so what can we do to ensure that men leaders do not unleash their anger and power on others and each other in these types of ways?
We often get so used to the adage “people are violent.” Well, no, generally speaking, men are violent. (And again, not all men are violent. But certainly don’t say “people are violent” because it isn’t women waging war, or terrorist acts, or being mass shooters or murdering etc. It doesn’t mean women are better, it just means women are not the ones who are waging wars and pushing other women to slaughter each other over their emotions.)
What if we did things differently and balanced out the power between the genders? I don’t think we need the pendulum to swing completely in the other direction of all female power: it should be balanced, something we really haven’t seen much of at all in history. (And of course taking into account as well that gender is a spectrum and not in fact a binary.) What if we, in practice and in our actions and diplomacy, raised up the qualities that are supposedly feminine? Like empathy, patience, listening and understanding? Nurturing our people and environment etc etc.? Oh but then that would be too “sissy.” Much cooler to let the world burn. And much more “practical” to continue to do the same thing over and over-Of waging war and sending men to battle… after all, if we engaged in real practical and empathetic diplomacy, as the one unified human race we actually are, we wouldn’t have entertaining movies and documentaries about wars. Boo hoo.
Call me crazy but there is a better world awaiting us. And we can do it if we break old habits. I don’t have all the answers, I wish I did. But I do believe that creating a world with more balance is a start: less domination of one gender, or of one people, over another and more balance. Empowering women to have more practical, peaceful power. People in general are not all violent: People in general, men, women, children etc., are intelligent and capable of a better world than blowing each other to smithereens.
👏 👏 👏
This is one of my favorite images of all time
Here is a LINK to donate to NARAL Pro-Choice America.
A major part of fighting against these forced-birther bills like those in Texas and Alabama is to not just fight against something, but to fight for something: Fighting for the Women’s Health Protection Act (WHPA) is a great offensive move to try to enact legislation that actively prohibits such restrictive legislation against abortion, and would work to protect Roe v Wade, the constitutional right which makes abortion legal. As CBS points out, the WHPA, “…would guarantee the right of all Americans to access abortion care regardless of where they live.” CBS Denver
Let’s face it: The issue here isn’t just this insane bill in Texas that just passed. It is the floodgates of absurd legislative acts that potentially await us, in which states try to control a women’s right to her own body. In-fact, anti-choice legislation is already in the works across the country. That is why it is so vital to pass legislation that prohibits bills which restrict abortion. So who is working to pass this legislation?
Texans protest the 6 week abortion ban in their state.
Source: Sergio Flores/Getty Images
Members of Congress, (such as Colorado Congresswoman Diana DeGette) are fighting for our basic and vital rights. Find out where your representatives stand. Urge them to pass the WHPA. Also, let’s not just urge our reps or reprimand the bad politicians, (though let’s definitely do that too) but let’s tell the good ones we support them and appreciate them. Lets let them know we need and thank them.
And who can you donate to? One organization is NARAL Pro-Choice America. (NARAL, in case your curious, stands for National Abortion Rights Action League. Yes, odd name, but GREAT organization.) NARAL Pro-Choice America has been a trustworthy and reliable pro-choice organization for over 50 years. They work to elect candidates who are dedicated to reproductive rights.
I have frequently donated and volunteered for NARAL because they get to the heart of issues and fight fiercely for pro-choice rights. At one point, I volunteered for NARAL when they were exposing harmful practices of anti-choice, fake clinics. I went undercover for NARAL to expose what these anti-choice people were doing to women at these fake clinics. But that is a different story, one which I will perhaps tell at a later date. (If you’d like more info on the fake clinic issue which is still plaguing our country still, check out this article by the AMA Journal of Ethics, titled “Why Crisis Pregnancy Centers are Legal but Unethical.) The point is, I support NARAL Pro-Choice America and I believe in the incredible and important work they do. And I encourage you to research them as well and donate to them if you so choose. They are fighting for the Women’s Health Protection Act to get passed and are fighting for women to have access to reproductive healthcare.
Here is a link to donate to NARAL Pro-Choice America. Donate what you can. My pocket book is a bit slim these days, so I made mine a monthly contribution of 5 dollars, which adds up to 60 bucks over the year. You can do that if you’d like, or, frankly, a one time big contribution may be even better, since there is little time to waste.
No matter how you do it, make some sort of difference in whatever way you can:
-Talk to your friends and family about abortion issues.
-Tell your own story about your abortion if you feel comfortable.
-Talk to your brothers, male-friends, fathers, uncles etc.. Dudes need to know about these issues too! And they need to hear it from the women and trans men they care about.
-Approximately 1-4 women get abortions, (according to the Guttmacher Institute.) Abortions happen and they are necessary for many women, people and families.
-Turn out for protests. Protests across the country are taking place October 2nd, organized by the Women’s March organization.
-Speak up on social media. Follow Instagram accounts like ShoutYourAbortion AbortionisNormal and one of my faves, SisterSong, the National Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective. (Follow them for updates on events & news at http://www.sistersong.net.)
Together, we can fight for our basic rights! Let’s do this!
I am at a loss for words… In the following days, I will try to find the words to describe how devastating this is. But for now, I will let the American Civil Liberties Union speak through their Twitter Account in the photos below. This is a sad, scary day.